I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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