He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
