I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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