I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
