I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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