I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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