dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
