I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
