life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
