I want to have your abortion
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
