I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
