Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
