and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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