That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
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I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
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Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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