Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
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