just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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