; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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