so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
