if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
