I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
