He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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