the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
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Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
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WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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