I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
