Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
