Nicole vs. Life
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
