I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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