If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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