Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
