help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
from now on my penis is your penis
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
