Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
