I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
