ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
