No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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