Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize