I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
