You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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