so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
