no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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