Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
