I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
