Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
