im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
