If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
