I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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