We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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