i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
