Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
