He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
