come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
