I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
