I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
