honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
