On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He had one of those small greek statue penises
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
