I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
