Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
