ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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