They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
