Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
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