new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
