Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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