Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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