OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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