she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
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