plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
