6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
thus making me awesome and them whores
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
