Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
