apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
