She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
