That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You've changed since you got that strap on
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
