i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
