How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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