So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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