Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
